ART.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007, 3:20 AM
BACK! (:
back to blogger.
Monday, April 30, 2007, 7:47 PM
it's ours.
ours to keep.
i won't tell anyone if you don't.
eureka, XANGA IS WORKABLE! :D i'm already in love with it.
and i do have the most pathetic prepaid balance on my sim card. it WAS $100 but now it's $15.52! what nonsense.
tag me, the world is still bright.
if i press the Big Red Button, what you see, you won't.
try me.
, 1:13 AM
i want a person that i can count on always. i want someone who would give unconditional support and wait for me whenever. someone who enjoys my lame company and won't take advantage of me. i need someone who will throw a paper note at me when i'm falling asleep in class to ask if i wanted to do anything after school. i want someone whom i feel comfortable with sharing my secrets and insecurities. i want someone who listens to me and fully understands me. i want someone who is good influence and calls me whenever she's going to study or do her homework. i want someone who calls every night to discuss the questions to the difficult math homework. i want someone who calls and asks if everything was okay and to cheer me up if i was feeling sad. someone who could tell how i was feeling at any moment. someone who won't laugh at my problems and wouldn't hit me in the head even though i was being annoying. someone who would visit me for no reason at all.
someone who loves me for who i am.
a bestest best friend.
it's so tough to find one, it's like i don't fit in anywhere at school. nobody is like me. even if i did share interests with someone, we just didn't click. i feel like a loner. am i? is this paranoia? NO. i really can't find someone so perfect. i used to have friends like that from primary school but no one came to cedar with me. it's so competitive here. everybody just wants to scramble to the top of it all. i want to stay down here and watch you guys even if i have no one to watch you with because i'm just like that.
who's going to watch with me?
who's going to be my bestest best friend?
i know when everybody reads this, they're going to think i'm a total control-freak moron friend and they would want to avoid me. i just want a friend i can count on. not just some acquaintance. but still, everyone's going to say, "Look, there's the retard loner with no proper best friend who she can trust."
and i'll have to tell myself, "Don't listen to them and just try to concentrate in class! So what if you're alone nowadays? Does it really matter? Just mug your way to a good college!"
but that ain't a solution. how am i supposed to live without a proper friend?
GAHHH, YOU DECIDE.
i feel like stabbing myself to death. my whole body is in pain and syuhaidah made it worse on saturday when i cabbed to her house. every single muscle in my body will twitch and ache when i move. even typing is getting hard.
maybe meditation will heal it all.
HUMMMMMMMM.
shit, i guess it doesn't. oh, well.
goodnight, the clock says.. 1.13 am.
SHAZLINNN.
Sunday, April 29, 2007, 8:40 PM
their things take my time and energy
don't stand too close without apologies
cut throat; cut out candid glimpses and
wind me up; i'm ready
can't escape this line of best fit
i remember being inside something more than you.AHHA!
follow these steps;
1) go to stephanie leong's friendster profile.
2) scroll down to the bottom.
3) press the Big Red Button.
i want a talking Big Red Button, too.
and did you know that those little paper circles you get from using a hole punch are really called 'chads'?
and did you know that elephants never stop growing?
how about the fact that about half of all americans are on a diet on any given day?
well, i bet you didn't.
and i'm being a horrible know-it-all.
yes, it was from the internet.
i still want a talking Big Red Button.
PSSST, SHOULD I CHANGE MY SKIN, AGAIN!?
it's a secret between you and me.
SHAZLINNN.
Saturday, April 28, 2007, 10:35 PM
there is a problem here with our society
the absence of my tears is my sobriety
i have a growing fear and you're not helping me
am i the only one who realizes it's true?shall we celebrate?
shall we bring out the champagne?
no.
because people seem to have unfinished business with me. they enjoy spamming my blog and insulting my friends. the worse part is i know who these spammers are and i wish they would just leave me alone because i do not wish to be associated with them any longer. this is getting on my nerves and out of hand.
you tried but were caught red handed, are you happy with your role?
it's funny to me how you've turned into such a joke...i think taxi drivers are plain scary. the one i came across today was weird. he offered me a "chinese herbal medicine" and the newspaper but i refused. he kept looking at me in his mirror. and when he dropped me off at syuhaidah's house, he waved at either me or syuhaidah. PERVERT. or maybe he was just being nice, who knows. i still say he's creepy, though. and syuhaidah is insane but at least we got our malay project work done today, though. and we just found out that izzah was really supposed to be named MAIRAH.
i think the only subject i'm really good at is literature. and i've said before, i want to be a literature major because i like poetry. and now, mrs rehan-williams wants to see my literature file on monday because she expects it to be really organised. that's not exactly true, is it? i'm not very organised.
CHEERS TO SYIFA FOR PRINTING MY LIT PAPERS!
muslihah, please don't be so sad. right now, everything that has happened is not necessarily your fault so don't blame yourself. don't hurt yourself because you don't deserve any formof punishment. you're great just like that and me & syifa will love you to the very end, even if others don't. life for you right now is very down but you've got to be strong because this is like a test. time's testing your patience with all this faults and problems that come up. don't hurt yourself, even if depression is only human. don't be angry at yourself, you've done nothing wrong. you are loved.
i will never let you fall
i'll stand up for you forever
i'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven
beat but I'm not broken
guide me through with your hand
lead with your words spoken
show me how to listenSHAZLINNN.
Friday, April 27, 2007, 2:19 PM
i aspire to be a literature major, PAINT IT FOR ME.
and yes, i am blogging from the school library but that doesn't stop anyone. plus, track&field's only starting in one hour. i've read some people's blogs and i realise how much words can change your perception of them. not only that, what people say can make you jealous or annoyed but what does it matter? isn't it THEIR blog for THEIR friends.
you know who you are;
it's so impossible. i feel like i don't know
you anymore. you prefer someone else to me, i'm fine with that. as long as i know your happy in the end and i'll be happy too because you're still hurting me by doing this. i'd rather it stop. please and thank you.
i just found out that ELDDS is in the library. well, THE ROOM is in the library. and they have alot of fun and they eat in there. GRRRR. and they don't need to run. or do warm-ups. and they get nice nice COTTON CCA tees.
and we have no more gym so michelle's very very sad. miss yong is leaving soon, i'm sad. ):
AND I WANT TO GO EAT.
Thursday, April 26, 2007, 7:32 PM
face down in the dirt, she said,
"this doesn't hurt", she said,
"i finally had enough."what i want is so different from what you want. you want freedom, maybe. i want us. you want laughter, maybe. i want serious talks. you chose to ignore me, i don't want you to. are we still something or have you unofficially dumped me for another girl? i'll never know, will i? because you never talk to me anymore. it's like i am non-existent in your world. maybe we should just be friends. maybe we should be non-existent. play it fair. maybe you really are bored with me. what am i supposed to do? i literally have had enough. if you really did still love me, would you only say "hi" and "what?" on a conference call with her? or are you embarrassed that i exist in your life? if i am not ideal now, say so. i'd gladly leave because you're hurting me so much.
a pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
if you wade around forever, you will surely drown
i see what's going down.syifa azhar, you are a dinosaur. otherwise known as TRICERATOPS! haha.
ariel skipped school, that sucked.
michelle brought her sunnies, they couldn't fit into my pouch.
i was late, i wanted to die.
muslihah and her sister sound the same on the phone.
'IKAN KEKEK.' what's that?
oh, well.
SHAZLINNN.
P.S; WALKMAN PHONE! (:
Tuesday, April 24, 2007, 9:59 AM
i think i'm sick. i'm heaty and everywhere i go, i feel cold.
i want to go home. i'm still at school, it's art period now.
SHIT, BELL'S RANG.
