{anisiah shazlin.
definition; (: boisterous, athletic, fun and teenspirit-ed.
t-rex gaygay
twelve-teen
thirteen soon.
100794
POET.
BALESTIER ; CEDAR.
ONE/CEE 07'
greenhouse effect; GARDENIA!
track&field team
soccer.
CHOCOLATE(:
silver&black&white&red&purple&green
guitarists are sexiest.
taken. iloveyou.
i'm a tragic affair.

Daylight burns your sleepy eyes
It's hard to see you dreaming
You hide inside yourself
I wondered what you're thinking
And everything you're chasing
It seems to leave you empty.

it's ours.
ours to keep.
i won't tell anyone if you don't.

eureka, XANGA IS WORKABLE! :D i'm already in love with it.
and i do have the most pathetic prepaid balance on my sim card. it WAS $100 but now it's $15.52! what nonsense.

tag me, the world is still bright.
if i press the Big Red Button, what you see, you won't.
try me.

i want a person that i can count on always. i want someone who would give unconditional support and wait for me whenever. someone who enjoys my lame company and won't take advantage of me. i need someone who will throw a paper note at me when i'm falling asleep in class to ask if i wanted to do anything after school. i want someone whom i feel comfortable with sharing my secrets and insecurities. i want someone who listens to me and fully understands me. i want someone who is good influence and calls me whenever she's going to study or do her homework. i want someone who calls every night to discuss the questions to the difficult math homework. i want someone who calls and asks if everything was okay and to cheer me up if i was feeling sad. someone who could tell how i was feeling at any moment. someone who won't laugh at my problems and wouldn't hit me in the head even though i was being annoying. someone who would visit me for no reason at all.

someone who loves me for who i am.
a bestest best friend.

it's so tough to find one, it's like i don't fit in anywhere at school. nobody is like me. even if i did share interests with someone, we just didn't click. i feel like a loner. am i? is this paranoia? NO. i really can't find someone so perfect. i used to have friends like that from primary school but no one came to cedar with me. it's so competitive here. everybody just wants to scramble to the top of it all. i want to stay down here and watch you guys even if i have no one to watch you with because i'm just like that.

who's going to watch with me?
who's going to be my bestest best friend?

i know when everybody reads this, they're going to think i'm a total control-freak moron friend and they would want to avoid me. i just want a friend i can count on. not just some acquaintance. but still, everyone's going to say, "Look, there's the retard loner with no proper best friend who she can trust."
and i'll have to tell myself, "Don't listen to them and just try to concentrate in class! So what if you're alone nowadays? Does it really matter? Just mug your way to a good college!"
but that ain't a solution. how am i supposed to live without a proper friend?

GAHHH, YOU DECIDE.

i feel like stabbing myself to death. my whole body is in pain and syuhaidah made it worse on saturday when i cabbed to her house. every single muscle in my body will twitch and ache when i move. even typing is getting hard.
maybe meditation will heal it all.
HUMMMMMMMM.
shit, i guess it doesn't. oh, well.
goodnight, the clock says.. 1.13 am.

SHAZLINNN.

their things take my time and energy
don't stand too close without apologies
cut throat; cut out candid glimpses and
wind me up; i'm ready
can't escape this line of best fit
i remember being inside something more than you.

AHHA!
follow these steps;
1) go to stephanie leong's friendster profile.
2) scroll down to the bottom.
3) press the Big Red Button.

i want a talking Big Red Button, too.
and did you know that those little paper circles you get from using a hole punch are really called 'chads'?
and did you know that elephants never stop growing?
how about the fact that about half of all americans are on a diet on any given day?
well, i bet you didn't.
and i'm being a horrible know-it-all.
yes, it was from the internet.
i still want a talking Big Red Button.

PSSST, SHOULD I CHANGE MY SKIN, AGAIN!?
it's a secret between you and me.
SHAZLINNN.

there is a problem here with our society
the absence of my tears is my sobriety
i have a growing fear and you're not helping me
am i the only one who realizes it's true?

shall we celebrate?
shall we bring out the champagne?
no.
because people seem to have unfinished business with me. they enjoy spamming my blog and insulting my friends. the worse part is i know who these spammers are and i wish they would just leave me alone because i do not wish to be associated with them any longer. this is getting on my nerves and out of hand.

you tried but were caught red handed, are you happy with your role?
it's funny to me how you've turned into such a joke...

i think taxi drivers are plain scary. the one i came across today was weird. he offered me a "chinese herbal medicine" and the newspaper but i refused. he kept looking at me in his mirror. and when he dropped me off at syuhaidah's house, he waved at either me or syuhaidah. PERVERT. or maybe he was just being nice, who knows. i still say he's creepy, though. and syuhaidah is insane but at least we got our malay project work done today, though. and we just found out that izzah was really supposed to be named MAIRAH.
i think the only subject i'm really good at is literature. and i've said before, i want to be a literature major because i like poetry. and now, mrs rehan-williams wants to see my literature file on monday because she expects it to be really organised. that's not exactly true, is it? i'm not very organised.
CHEERS TO SYIFA FOR PRINTING MY LIT PAPERS!

muslihah, please don't be so sad. right now, everything that has happened is not necessarily your fault so don't blame yourself. don't hurt yourself because you don't deserve any formof punishment. you're great just like that and me & syifa will love you to the very end, even if others don't. life for you right now is very down but you've got to be strong because this is like a test. time's testing your patience with all this faults and problems that come up. don't hurt yourself, even if depression is only human. don't be angry at yourself, you've done nothing wrong. you are loved.

i will never let you fall
i'll stand up for you forever
i'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven
beat but I'm not broken
guide me through with your hand
lead with your words spoken
show me how to listen

SHAZLINNN.

i aspire to be a literature major, PAINT IT FOR ME.
and yes, i am blogging from the school library but that doesn't stop anyone. plus, track&field's only starting in one hour. i've read some people's blogs and i realise how much words can change your perception of them. not only that, what people say can make you jealous or annoyed but what does it matter? isn't it THEIR blog for THEIR friends.
you know who you are;
it's so impossible. i feel like i don't know you anymore. you prefer someone else to me, i'm fine with that. as long as i know your happy in the end and i'll be happy too because you're still hurting me by doing this. i'd rather it stop. please and thank you.
i just found out that ELDDS is in the library. well, THE ROOM is in the library. and they have alot of fun and they eat in there. GRRRR. and they don't need to run. or do warm-ups. and they get nice nice COTTON CCA tees.
and we have no more gym so michelle's very very sad. miss yong is leaving soon, i'm sad. ):

AND I WANT TO GO EAT.

face down in the dirt, she said,
"this doesn't hurt", she said,
"i finally had enough."

what i want is so different from what you want. you want freedom, maybe. i want us. you want laughter, maybe. i want serious talks. you chose to ignore me, i don't want you to. are we still something or have you unofficially dumped me for another girl? i'll never know, will i? because you never talk to me anymore. it's like i am non-existent in your world. maybe we should just be friends. maybe we should be non-existent. play it fair. maybe you really are bored with me. what am i supposed to do? i literally have had enough. if you really did still love me, would you only say "hi" and "what?" on a conference call with her? or are you embarrassed that i exist in your life? if i am not ideal now, say so. i'd gladly leave because you're hurting me so much.

a pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
if you wade around forever, you will surely drown
i see what's going down.

syifa azhar, you are a dinosaur. otherwise known as TRICERATOPS! haha.
ariel skipped school, that sucked.
michelle brought her sunnies, they couldn't fit into my pouch.
i was late, i wanted to die.
muslihah and her sister sound the same on the phone.
'IKAN KEKEK.' what's that?

oh, well.
SHAZLINNN.

P.S; WALKMAN PHONE! (:

i think i'm sick. i'm heaty and everywhere i go, i feel cold.
i want to go home. i'm still at school, it's art period now.

SHIT, BELL'S RANG.

Can you name 13 of the people you know that you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 13 people. This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first. No cheating!

1. michelle.
2. ariel.
3. yan yi.
4. syifa.
5. muslihah.
6. diana.
7. deborah.
8. hian yong.
9. wilson.
10. syuhaidah.
11. alexandra.
12. atika.
13. atikah.

How did you meet 10?
; CEDAR FRIEND. (:
What would you do if you had never met 1?
; i would've died?
What would you do if 6 and 2 dated?
; GOD, NO!
Have you ever seen 4 cry?
; no.
Do you think 10 is cute?
; HAHAHAHAHA. NO!
How did you get to know 8?
; bhps.
Would you ever go on a date with number 12?
; no, i am not a lesbian.
What's 7's Favorite colour?
; i don't know, black?
What would you do if 6 confessed he/she loves you?
; i'm not a lesbian and that's WRONG!
Fact about 9.
; oh my, i heart him.
Who is 4 going out with?
; ME! haha, like real.
Who is number 5 to you?
; LILI! (slenger, kekek i have no idea what it means.)
Would you ever live with 13?
; YES! *hugs atikah!*
Is 2 single?
; she's in a dilemma.
What do you think about 3?
; i love her to pieces!
What's the best thing about number 8?
; she's a bestie and she's the greatest.
Favorite Memory with 6?
; her birthday(:
What is 10,8,2,11's talent?
;10 - high jump, being straight forward.
;8 - she's plain sick in the head.
;2 - drawing, tennis and being a bimbo sometimes.
;11 - girlguiding? OH, cross stitching.

THANKS YAN, FOR THE STEAL!

i just found out something. i'm hated by someone in my class and i hate being science representative and i can't stand some people in class. GRRR.

give me something to believe in
cause i don't believe in you
anymore, anymore
i wonder if it even makes a difference,
it even makes a difference to try
and you told me how you're feeling
but i don't believe it's true
anymore, anymore
i wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
so this is goodbye.

(:
i am delighted. i have so many reasons to be.
ONE; the cyberfight is over although it wasn't much of a pretty ending.
TWO; i have an extremely high chance of getting my mother's Motorola Razr.
THREE; michelle's birthday is on WEDNESDAY, 25th APRIL.
FOUR; i drank alot of milo today and training wasn't that tiring.
FIVE; my coach allowed me to skip training on WEDNESDAY to celebrate michelle's birthday.
SIX; i got A* (21/25) for my english comprehension test.
SEVEN; i passed geography.
EIGHT; i'm going to cut my hair again on wednesday and pierce my ears.
NINE; i'm seeing my mother again tomorrow before she leaves.

i love this week although it's only monday, everything's looking up. my coach isn't that stressed anymore and he actually encouraged me. the only thing that can bring me down is HOMEWORK. it's not fun when you never have time to do anything with your friends or when you're extremely tired but it's like that everyday. i have my IPW project to worry about and being the manager leaves me brain damaged. i have my literature project. i have an english project on making a brochure. i have a mother tongue project on making a recipe in my second language. i have CCA. i'll probably be having maths or general science remedial or make up lessons soon. the geography EXAM is well on it's way and music isn't any help, either. I HATE MUSIC THEORY! i actually miss primary school life, it was far more easier.
i shall not complain anymore.
HOMEWORK beckons.

`SHAZLINNN.
P.S: I MISS YOU, damn it.

"Why your classmates?
Don't you just love them?
What happened to that Gardenia fuckin' the bread people crap?
When you gasped, it was more of a "Oh no, I'm busted" look.
You could have said 'hello'.
But you were in total lost of shock.
You dropped your shoebag and your arms were like a meter opened wide.
Damn, you should have seen that look for yourself. Priceless.
You didn't had to send that long, mean message.
You could have excused yourself from public, go home and call any of us and talk the shit out.
And we didn't hurt you at all.
Instead, Kim was hurt cause you told her you have some track shits and won't be free till six.
But we saw you and your snobby friends at the library, laughing the shit out of yourselves, at two.
Oh, and your friends, yes.
They don't even know what fuckin' happened.
Of course, they assumed that their baobei or whatever you call it is the one getting fucked.
Maybe they're the reason why you're like this now.
Maybe they have you on their fingers.
Sounds sorta like Arrian, eh.
Yes, Adilah told Kim about what you said about her when you actually didn't.
And you, acting this way, made her think that it's true.
Kim told me she got pissed but she said that she also thinks Adilah was lying.
Then, Adilah told you lies about what Kim said.
You got pissed, sent a mean message, avoided/ignored Kim for a couple of weeks.
You chose to believe Adilah.
Remember that Wanting issue?
You scolded me for being rude to someone I don't know at all.
I didn't apologize to Wanting, but I did to you.
Your friends just fuckin' did that same thing and you think it was right of them.
The one minute we're friends, and the next, we're not thing, that's what YOU are doing.
You've been dragging this shit since December.
And since then, we've been forgiving you again and again.
And now, you're saying, "Maybe you deserved it".
I don't just drag random people in to the problems.
Jw sent Kim mean messages, too.
See, they are not just random people."
tooken from; http://www.velvetrevolver-x.blogspot.com


fag off.
yes, in fact, i do love them.
nothing happened to it.
we just drifted apart and i put the pieces back together.
but i don't want to with YOU.
i gasped because i was fucking HAPPY to see you guys.
i told kimberly that i had sports day and i didn't have school.
so don't give me bollocks.
i hate bullshit.
thanks, at least i give antiquely piceless looks.
and what if i didn't want to talk the shit out?
who said i ever wanted to ever since you left me hanging, optionless.
how would you know if you didn't hurt me?
are you emotionally connected to me or something? NO.
let me repeat; I HAD SPORTS DAY AND NO SCHOOL, DEAF.
well, they did know. I TOLD THEM.
AND I AM GETTING FUCKED.
FUCKED BY YOUR MIND GAMES.
FUCKED BY EVERYTHING YOU DARED TO SAY OR DO.
in fact, right now, i'd prefer arrian's company a MILLION TIMES more than yours.
i don't care what you think anymore, it's useless.
and of course i chose to believe adilah.
adilah NEVER did anything bitch-worthy in primary school, did she now?
if you ever listened once, you would know.
but you never listen.
you never did apologize sincerely.
me? DRAGGING THIS SHIT?!
who was the one who left me alone when i came back!
who was the one who made me feel friendless!
i've not forgotten; YOU & KIMBERLY!
they are random people because they were never involved in this.
never involved and civilised.
but we've turned out like some tornado on it's final gust.
i hate it. i hate you.
i don't care anymore. i wish i never tried.
and that one phone call?
yes, that ONE phone call.
how pathetic were your attempts?
we don't need to fight fair. never did.
cut me loose, i don't want to be tied to you, ever again.
you know who you guys are.

I HATE CYBER FIGHTS.
but at least i've gotten YOU AND HER off me.
such a burden, tsk.
&shazlinSPEAKS.

"You had the fuckin' chance to say something.
But you did none.
You just dropped your shoebag and gasped.
So, we thought you didn't want us to be in that scene.
Soon, you blamed it on Kim.
A mean message.
Didn't you say 'Don't bother patching us up again'?
And why can't you talk to both of us?
You're so unreasonable.
You've been lying all this time.
And i know that Jw was with you when you were talking to Kim.
You keep doing this.
I'm fucking sick of it."

I WASN'T REFERING TO YOU OR HER.
I WAS REFERING TO MY CLASSMATES.
I GASPED BECAUSE I WAS SURPRISED TO SEE YOU.
I WANTED TO SAY 'HELLO' BUT YOU WALKED OFF.
I SENT YOU THAT MESSAGE BECAUSE I WANTED TO HURT YOU LIKE YOU HURT ME.
I DON'T WANT TO PATCH UP.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO EITHER OF YOU.
YOU'RE THE UNREASONABLE ONE.
I HAVEN'T BEEN LYING.
I WASN'T WITH JINGWEN, LEAVE HER OUT OF OUR PROBLEM.
LOOK WHO'S TALKING.
I'M SICK OF YOU AND YOUR CHARACTER.
YOU LIVE IN TOTAL DENIAL OF YOURSELF.

i'm really angry at you and her. i'd like you to leave other people out of this because this is our problem. i don't like the way you drag random people in just because you dislike them and you assume that everything i do, they are involved. can't you understand anything i try to lay out for you? if you read my previous entry today, you'll see that i'm far from patching up.

come break me down
bury me, bury me
i am finished with you.

HELLO.

movie marathons aren't fun when you're alone with your mother. trust me, they just aren't. but the plus side involves good food, meiji low fat milk, air-conditioning and comfy bed. she wanted me to stay over but she let me go home in the end because she thought i had alot of homework. besides, i do get to use the computer, right?
i'm such an evil daughter.

you know who you are;
i don't know what to do or believe. if things are going to continue this way, we might as well erase every trace of each other in our lives because it's just not worth it. i don't think it is, do you? what's the point of hating each other's guts yet trying to be friends just for our image or reputation? it's just going to make everything worse than it already is. i think we should keep our distance from each other, especially since everytime we come close to being better friends, someone just has to dig her claws in. it sucks being an on and off friend. in fact, why don't we just end this once and for all? i'm so fucking sick and tired of going through the same argument each time! let's just call it quits, we can't bear each other anyway.

well, you bleed just to know you're alive.

I AM HAPPY.
i am very happy. i don't want days like this to end because they just make everything so much more easy. maybe we all deserve at least one day where we go untouched. when we are invincible and death-defying. i'm already flying.

SHAZLINNN(:

I AM GOING TO SEE MY MUM AT TWO O'CLOCK, FINALLY! (:

I STILL HATE YOU FOR BEING THE MOST ASSHOLIC JERK EVER IN FEMALE HISTORY.
I LOVE SYIFA AND MUSLIHAH.
I NEED MILO.
I LIKE MILO VANS.

goodbye.
`shazlinnn.

&michelle
&ariel
&syuhaidah
&alex

some sort of window to your right
as he goes left and you stay right
between the lines of fear and blame
and you begin to wonder why you came
where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
somewhere along in the bitterness
and I would have stayed up with you all night
had I known how to save a life.

i am afraid. i don't want to hurt anyone. i don't want to hurt you guys, especially. i want to wake up where you guys are and start a new but how can i turn back time? i can't erase what i've already done and i can't reach out to you guys, the bridge is broken. you guys have always been there for me but i never listened long enough and never let anyone borrow my shoulder because i was stupidly wallowing in my own world of sympathy. i need none. i wish we could go back so i could do something right and not hurt anyone. most of all, i'm hurting myself by doing this. i want to hug you guys and tell you i'll be there for you but i'm always too busy to act as if i know you all. i missed everyone today even though i was with you. i wish i could to talk to you guys but i can't seem to initiate any form of conversation. it's either that or you won't let me. have i passed off as someone you would love to hate? i'm still scared. i don't want to hurt you guys and i don't want to hurt anybody else. especially people who are already upset. i want to erase my existence sometimes so that everybody would be happier and i won't be such a burden. i want to wake up where you are.

it all seems so contagious
not to be yourself and faceless
in a song that has no soul

hello.
today was a blur. everything went so fast, it was hard to savour the fun. i wish i would never stop feeling altruistic.
guess my day started off pretty lamely, though. it was all ringing, talking and shutting my eyes, really. i didn't want to get up and i pretty much didn't realise that i was late until it was 7.30am. i rushed to prepare and ended up at the stadium at 8. i was scared because i thought that the teachers would attack me or hunt me down but thank god, everybody was busy with their own things. i watched some races, screamed and screamed and then reported to the competitors steward feeling very antsy. the 4x100m race was really quick. syuhaidah overtook alot of people and actually managed to pass the baton to me without making any mistakes. i don't remember how i ran. i just know that everything felt smooth and relaxed and that i had overtook the person leading. it didn't feel like i gave my all but i guess it was. we won first and can i say something? WHY GARDE SO PRO!? (:
and congratulations to tiffany for clinching individual champion and to melissa for clinching athlete of the meet!
me, michelle, deborah, charlene, pei wen, abigail, alexandra and syuhaidah went to TP to eat kfc and syifa tagged along, too. she got lost so syuhaidah had to find her and bring her to kfc. she looked a total mess and her hair was crappy. junction 8 was fun. took some neoprints and deborah and syuhaidah pierced one ear each. we met taffy, stephanie, leng jan, tiffany, pei yan, jolene and joanne there because we didn't meet up at the end of sports day. and i saw diana, jesslyn, kimberly, annie, mark and benjamin there, too! heh. the only reason i saw diana was because her friend had left her neoprints at the table where you cut them up and i found it. tiffany saw diana and told her i was looking for her and she found me! haha.

you know who you are;
i really hate your guts.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ATIKA! (:

bye.
`shazlinnn.

now come one come all to this tragic affair
wipe off that makeup, what's in is despair
so throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot
you might wake up and notice you're someone you're not
if you look in the mirror and don't like what you see
you can find out firsthand what it's like to be me
so gather around piggies and kiss this goodbye
i'd encourage your smiles I'll expect you won't cry
another confusion, my funeral jag
here's my resignation, I'll serve it in drag
you've got front row seats to the penitence ball
when I grow up I want to be nothing at all!

of course the last line isn't true.
when i grow old, i'm going to retire. when i retire, i want a big house. but to get a big house, i need to work my arse off. i don't like working my arse off. i like chocolate, candy, anything that can keep me from getting dehydrated and people. people make me look good sometimes and they make me look bad sometimes. people who make me look bad deserve to get trashed big time. so they should learn to stfu before i learn to shoot a gun.
"when's that?"
NOW.
*BANG*
*SPLATTER*
shit, blood.
back to my point. now that i am working my arse off although nobody is paying me to, what do i get in return? conflicts, backstabbed, being vertically challenged, suffering severe mental insanity from lack of beauty sleep.
but there are the good parts, yes? i still get; friends, a social life, chocolate, fries, space, air, thought, self-efficiency, parents.
the list goes on. when lists get too long, you're supposed to tell the person that the list is too long. and thus, we don't die tragic, we live tragic. tragic lives don't make us, we make them. and yes, i want to retire old and happy.
and i want to retire only after i'm satisfied with how i've dealt with this tragic life. i want to be a poet so the closest i can get to that is being a journalist, maybe? i still haven't chosen my path, it's practically like the mouth of a river. so many distributaries. SIGH.

i met jingwen and adilah today. we talked about things and more things. unmentionable things and random things. and the last thing i talked about with jingwen was that i was a different person. the new me was untrustable. i am not going to argue with her because it is her point of view but i realise that when you move on, you change. especially now, we're in secondary one. we can be ourselves and not someone your friends want you to be or think you are. i passed of as a fierce, boyish, nonchalant and not squeaky person in primary school but now that i am in secondary one, i act a whole lot different because from my experience, i want to be in such a way that people will accept me. but the true me is so much more different, i've realised. i'm a poet at heart, i guess. deep and thoughtful. and yes, i look like an emo on the outside but truthfully, i don't think like one. i get pissed off easily, i get cranky too. i'm a whole different person from what everybody sees me as. even he doesn't know what the real me is like.
let's say; i want the world to know the real me someday. someday you'll know it, and you'll accept that me, i hope.

I HATE EPIPHANIES! especially at dinnertime.
BYEBYE.
`shazlinnn.

P.S;
i heart you. (:
i'm glad we had that talk.
i'm serious.

you thought you were standing beside me
you were only in my way
you’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you.

i am enflamed and outraged.

HELLO.
they're going to take away a worldly possesion of mine. they're going to take away my GOLD TROPHY for the 3000m race. fuck, i don't want it gone. it's visible proof of my hard work and success and when it's not there, nobody's going to believe me. i work so hard, winning first and i don't get credited AT ALL. it's as if i didn't even run the race and nobody will acknowledge the fact that i did so.

[c=46]guitarists[/c][c=7]are[/c][c=2]sexy[/c] says:
*rap rap
[c=46]guitarists[/c][c=7]are[/c][c=2]sexy[/c] says:
open up
[c=46]guitarists[/c][c=7]are[/c][c=2]sexy[/c] says:
its MEEE
[c=46]guitarists[/c][c=7]are[/c][c=2]sexy[/c] says:
(:
& we're neither clear or descript. says:
go die.
& we're neither clear or descript. says:
grrrrr.
& we're neither clear or descript. says:
RARH!
[c=46]guitarists[/c][c=7]are[/c][c=2]sexy[/c] says:
HMPF
[c=46]guitarists[/c][c=7]are[/c][c=2]sexy[/c] says:
ROAR

me and syifa are very gay, mind you. that's why my new nickname/stage name is now GAYGAY. (: oh, joy. i have to turn in, wait till my dad finds out.
GRRRRRR.

so real these voices in my head
when it comes back you won’t be
scared and lonely

BYEBYE.
`shazlinnn.

colby miller is brainless, oh yes he is.

hello.
i was missing the computer so badly. i didn't want to use it yesterday though, i was exhausted. you'll know why.
milo still rocks.

1/C;
PLEASE APOLOGIZE TO MISS YONG AFTER WHAT HAPPENED TOMORROW AND PLEASE DO NOT MAKE MORE NOISE BECAUSE THAT WILL ONLY AGGRAVATE THE SITUATION. AND SORRY TO SAY BUT DO SHUT UP WHEN SHE TELLS US TOO, YOU DON'T WANT HER WALKING OUT OF CLASS PISSED, DO YOU? pffffft.

i'm watching MTV right now and MTV's Wildboyz is playing. they're so gay. the show is pretty useless although i worship them for the fact that they drink snakes blood and sit in tubs filled with alligators and water. i'd chicken out, wouldn't you?
oh, and friendster is still screwed. i hate that fact.
i love syifa. syifa makes me smile and isn't crude. she's huggable and she's love. she's all that, she's peanut butter and she's all smiles. (: &shelovessyifa.
antimatter erases time, we can't subject time to change. time is useless, fruitless.

i know this is a short post but i need to do my homework in 9 MINUTES.
BYE.
`shazlinnn.

SCREW BLOGGER.
SCREW TRANSPORTATION.
everything is so prissy

anyway, hello.
i'm sorry i disappeared this weekend but i've been whisked away by a nice person to hong kong to stay in a suite and i came back at 10:30 PM so i have jet lag.
YEAH, RIGHT.
i went for self-training on saturday morning with kimberly and i ended up going to her house to teach her some simple maths and that lead to me sleeping over. i never touched the com until sunday night and i camwhored again. this explains the two pathetic new pictures on my friendster account, haha.
oh, yes. i have resorted to using MySpace, Blogger and Friendster. MySpace doesn't give me problems.
CLICKY-CLICKY.

this is a seasonal affair
so be there or be square
and the invitation said so
so just let that ego go.

my face is constipated, screwing up. it's like that because the idea of school tomorrow is slowly disintegrating me. i don't want lessons, i don't want training and i don't want events! i need sleep, pffffft.

now come one come all to this tragic affair
wipe off that makeup, what's in is despair
so throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot
you might wake up and notice you're someone you're not.

i dread math.
GOODBYE.
`shazlinnn.

the quiet things that no one ever knows.

hello.
i like milo but i only like the 3 in 1 sachet thing and i like dipping biscuits into milo because the softer ones are nice to eat. eeek, HOW GAY CAN I GET!
i went home with shafika after training. she never told me that she took bus at macpherson. for a secondary 3, she's very lame. (: shafika has mental thoughts about guys wearing skirts when she's on the mrt home.
tiffany sounds the same on the phone although she is less hyper. i wonder whether that's a good thing. i didn't see her during training today because we were doing gym.
PROUS, PRODU*, PROUD*! i despise typoes.
i want to be a literature major when i go to college. i want to have one year experience overseas. i want to go to spain, enjoy every brea

we saw the western coast
i saw the hospital
nursed the shoreline like a wound
reports of lover's tryst
were neither clear nor descript
we kept it safe and slow
the quiet things that no one ever knows.
so keep the blood in your head
and keep your feet on the ground
if today's the day it gets tired
today's the day we drop out
gave up my body and bed
all for an empty hotel
wasting words on lower cases and capitals.

it's hard for you to argue with someone, even harder for you to become friends again? am i going to try harder or am i too fed up to do so, leaving it as it is? who decides, anyway, you or me?
I AM HAPPY, HUMHALLELUJAH!
BYEBYE.
`shazlinnn.

P.S; i am training at toa payoh stadium tomorrow.

i know this is the second post but i can't care more.
i like blogs.
i like syifa.
i like being insane and retarded.
(:

you've got mail;
"CANCER - The Cutie
Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward."
WTF.
I HATE CHAIN MAIL. PLEASE DON'T SEND IT TO ME. ):

midwest love affair,
i bend when i am bored.
late night liqour blue will lead me to the floor.
can we fake it, can we make believe?
i'm so full of love it deeply sickens me.

HELLO.
i am dead to the world.
I CAME AT 8.30 AM TODAY AND MISSED MY NARRATIVE COMPOSITION TEST! it's the first time this term and i feel so crappy. i shall not be late, again. ROAR. i came in time to do the powerpoint presentation, though. ARIEL SCREWED UP. and syuhaidah kept saying "um" but currently, i don't think i'm on speaking terms with her. whatever it is, i won't let it get to me. i won't be a pessimist. OPTIMISTIC, PLEASE.
literature powerpoint on The Clay Marble? no problem, as long as i am partners with people who will do their part. i've teamed up with pei wen and cen yun to do the project, yay! (: the powerpoint that we are doing has to be based on the 'characters' of those in the story. pretty easy, if you ask me. other groups have to do the PLOT.
eva has informed me that 4x100m is tomorrow. eeeek, how? nicole definitely CANNOT run, her leg is still a mess. i wonder who's a good runner in our class. louisa, maybe? i hope someone doesn't act uncooperative and horrid tomorrow... WE HAVE TO WIN 4 BY 1OOM, AAAAAAH.

but all i can do
is close my eyes
and cross my heart
and hope to die
cause you don't ever listen
when i'm around.

after school today, i went back to my primary school with kimberly, annie and MJ for training but we ended up not training because kimberly didn't want to. i met atika and yan yi at bhps and we talked about the people at our school. their school sounds horrid compared to cedar, it's so conflict-ish. they want to transfer to cedar but i wonder if that's even possible at all. if it is, i'd gladly persuade them to transfer. we went home after that but sadly, I GOT LOCKED OUT OF MY OWN HOUSE because i didn't bring my key! i thought i lost in the house or something when i was looking for it this morning but it turns out that the key was hidden under my sister's STUFFED CAT. how insane.

the least you could do
is take it back
all the vicious remarks
and verbal attacks
cause i can't stand it
when you're around.

no maths tomorrow, joy to the world.
GOODBYE.
`shazlinnn.

Eva: YOU'RE SO FAT, PEOPLE RUN 6 ROUNDS AROUND YOU FOR THEIR NAPFA!
me: WTF, haha!
Syu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *seriously 'LMAO'ing.*

come on God, do I seem bulletproof?

60m hurdles went great, i've won second place. i'm really happy with my results, i've won top eight/top three for all the events i've taken so far. after hurdles, we watched the sec three's and sec four's do triple jump. i want to be a triple jumper, it looks awesome. someone teach me, please?
i want to widen my steps. i want to run faster and i want to do hurdles, long jump, high jump AND triple. tsk, tsk. ambitions...
throughout the whole training, syuhaidah was cracking the lamest jokes ever, along with eva. HEH. i laughed like mad, not because of the jokes but because syuhaidah laughs WAY FUNNIER than muslihah. it's so hyena. x) taina said syuhaidah was a little bit strange. A LITTLE BIT?! no no, VERY.
my FBT's melted because of the extreme heat of the concrete i was sitting on, i swear. and high jump pits are gross after it rains.
i'm a little bit reluctant to go to school tomorrow but i HAVE to be present for the IPW presentation.

but I know if I could do it over
i would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
that I left unspoken

speechless.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED! the girl got heat stroke, she looked deaf/stoned. she couldn't do anything but hyperventilate. it's a bad thing. taina said she'd be okay but her never moving eyes were emotionless. there was no life in it. is that how people who suffered from heat stroke look like? i know i shouldn't be asking horrid stuff like that but i can't help it, i'm a very curious person. trust me to ask you the most random questions nonchalantly.

i've traded my LARGE SIZED gardenia shirt with ashley's medium sized bougay shirt. the bougay shirt will fit me, so i can confuse people but i doubt ashley's even going to wear the garde shirt, ever. never mind, we still exchanged, didn't we?
oh, well. alot happened today, trust me to be too lazy to blog it all. (:

GOODBYE.
`shazlinnn.

varsha: hahas.. i guess everything starts off like that, bunnie (: i can't say that i'm feeling loved very much also but wth.. gotta hope.. hoping is the best(:
anisiah: Haha. I thought knowing was the best? Knowing you're loved just makes everything more worth it, doesn't it?
varsha: yeah, and hoping everything will go right when you are not sure (aka knowing) haha.. you geddit? >< i just cut my fringe at e sides myself (:
anisiah: omg, don't ruin your hair, dear. and i don't get what you mean by what you said. heh, not easy to explain, eh? *thinks: huh? wtf does she mean?*
TEXT ME CLEAN.

hello.
syifa is excited for Sports Day. she keeps a countdown on her blog. it's real cute. and she's insisting on guitar-er. guitarist sounds sexier, syifs! haha.
i am exhausted. i can't keep my eye-lids from sliding shut. AND I AM STILL BLOGGING! i'm exhausted because after school today, i went with my IPW members to do some voluntary work at SPCA and talk to ms selina sebastian. we were there from 2.30 to 4.30. the long walk in to SPCA is super tiring. plus, i still had to walk back to take a bus back to school, read up the brochures and posters i took and wait for lena's parents to pick us up. i was going to have to do the powerpoint at her house. sometimes it's tough being leader, heh. anyway, i did the powerpoint until 9.45 and then i finally went home from yio chu kang. alot's happened today, la.
i wish IPW did not exist. it'd go *poof* in the rubbish bin. (:
varsha trimmed her fringe shorter by herself. no, no. she shouldn't have done that. I WARN YOU VARSHA, it's recipe for complete disaster.
ARIEL! i can't belive you fucking walked to the bus stop in the rain! we actually passed by you in the car! oh, my.
shit, wish me luck for hurdles tomorrow. i don't like races, they make my nervous system go headwired big time. i hope i don't injure my leg like nicole did during training on monday, it was horrible! she should've changed her leg when coach told her to. i hope her leg gets better. i don't like taking her trophies for her, i look damn poseur. ):

OKAY. i shall do my homework then collapse in bed. after i iron my uniform, wash the pot and bathe. shit, i hate chores.
NOT TODAY.

BYEBYE.
`shazlinnn.

EDITED;

http://theworldconspired.blogspot.com
WE ARE LOVE. BLOG REVAMP!

hello.
i'm literally whining because i am hopeless at my mother tongue. i can't help anybody with it, so sorry. unless you're talking abt basic stuff, then maybe yeah.
oh, god. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. of course i'm not like that, michelle! pffffft.
that's disgusting.
IPW is killing living brain-cells. i need as many of them as possible for the upcoming exams and common tests. SAVE ME! IPW is really taking it's toll, isn't it? ):
who can replace NICOLE in the 10x80m race tomorrow, TEXT ME ASAP! we've lost a very valuable person for the winning of GARDENIA. save us.
SYIFS THE BIG WIG. MUS THE 'GILA' GIRL. ANISIAH THE GUITARIST. i play guitar, so it suits me just fine. (:
i can't stop thinking about what michelle asked me. only three people know in the whole wide world what she had said; me, ariel and michelle. i'm disgusted. was that accusation?! ):
though nobody hears you scream,
i'll scream with you.
you'll be safe here.

BYE.
`shazlinnn.
P.S; i've got a craving for milk. and i'm obssesed with RIVERMAYA. (:

your face lights up the sky on the highway.
someday, you'll share your world with me someday.
never in my life have I been more sure,
so come on up to me and close the door.
nobody's made me feel this way before;
you're everything I wanted and more.
for all I know you only see me as a friend.

hello.
yes, it's rivermaya lyrics this time. why? because i went to the RIVERMAYA concert with my sister and her friend today; 080407. i swear, IT ROCKED. i was going deaf.
JOHN MOLINA AND THE KROEGERS and THE GREAT SPY EXPERIMENT were playing. they were good. my sister's band; augustar, played alongside THE GREAT SPY EXPERIMENT before. they sound like a cross between Franz Ferdinand and The Killers, literally. but it was pretty good since i was in the mood. i wanted to dance but since everybody else wasn't, i didn't either. i regret that, i should've danced. never mind, I'M SATISFIED with my weekend.

nobody knows
just why we're here
could it be fate
or random circumstance
at the right place
at the right time
two roads intertwine
and if the universe conspired
to meld our lives
to make us
fuel and fire
then know
where ever you will be
so too shall I be

i don't know what to do anymore. are we still standing? are we holding on? doubt so. are you going to stop being like this? are you going to step up, tell me again? are you going to talk to me, be there for me? are you going to be with me for much longer? doubt so. six months, still standing. how about seven or eight? it can only go on if you do something about it. i miss us, fix us. i miss you. i don't want us to disappear, not yet. were we by accident? were we not meant. ask yourself those questions, what are your answers. the world never conspired, we did.

remember how we laughed
until we cried
at the most stupid things
like we were so high
but love was all that we were on
we belong

i'm excited for dreaded school, that's a FIRST. :\

BYE.
`shazlinnn.

do i ever cross your mind?

hello.
study, watch Mr.Bean's Holiday, walk home, talk, laugh.
i had fun with arshad, today. he made me forget how upset i was before. but now i'm home. but i'll keep smiling at school because i'm also happy. i'm confused with my emotions. i'm sad because of HIM. i'm happy because of school. i'm not going to mix things up, i'm going to seperate them and confide in the closest of friends. i hope it works.
oh, my.
save me.

words, words;
ariel; eek. i just found out that baobei means baby. hahaha. kinky? babe, i have been kinky ever since i was a baby. the first time i watched MTV, i mean. ^ ^
shazlinnn; haha! MTV too dangerous, already. my kinky girl friend. LMAO!

kinky? HAHA. (:
i still love you, ariel.
i miss michelle, syu and alex. PFFFFFT.
AND HIM.

look into my eyes
see the world around us spinning
dry your tears and mine

BYE.
`shazlinnn.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUDID! (:
of course i remember, ding.

hey.
i've checked the results board;
fifth for high jump.
8th for javelin.
first for 4x200m.
seventh for long jump.
eight for 200m.
YAY! i've still got two more events though. blow me good luck WISHES.
lisa, the throws senior, is mad. ventured to toa payoh on tuesday. sat on the bus to toa payoh with eva yesterday. met arshad yesterday for a chat. passed my maths test. passed my geography test. MISSED my primary school friends.
alot has happened. but not everybody needs to know it's inside details, right?

PICTURES OF OUR DYING DAY;

feet, water and sand?


jin rong and alex.


ariel; mrs macs.


we can't hear, see, speak; ariel, me, syu.

sigh.
somehow, i don't seem to miss the old days. i do often think about my friends, but i don't miss them as much anymore. i'm enjoying the cedarian life. i'm sorry, i know i should be. i should never forget.

i should finish my homework at kfc.
BYE.
`shazlinnn.

cry on the couch,
all the poets come to life.
fix me in 45.

hey.
I AM DEPRESSED. well, a little. i'm still very happy at what the JUMPERS and GARDENIAS managed to achieve, but not me. yes, not me. i can't seem to do HJ, anymore. i don't know what is making me think so negatively but it's effecting me badly. i wish i was more confident. i shall try my best, again.
i screwed up my jumps at only 125 cm, which is horribly low. and yes, i cried. i sat alone at the side and cried. everybody comforted me but i only smiled when syuhaidah had her PB. pfffft.
save me.
during training, benjamin tan kept looking at me. he's a ding. dingydingding.
we did 120mx5 and on my last run, i worked my leg up too hard and i strained my hamstrings for awhile. it hurt so bad i stopped running and fell to the grass. thank god no teacher saw me, i would've died out of embarrassment, but alot of people did come to my rescue. even celeste, i think. (: yay, thank you all for caring. it doesn't hurt anymore but i'm not going to put my legs under too much pressure for now, just in case.
me, tiffany and stephanie went to TP after training/competition and on the way to get food, we met up with eva, taina, lifen and wendelynn but they went to eat at pizza hut, i think. met up with jacinda, too. quite fun, la. we were sharing everything. x)
i feel better, now. i love ranting and raving on my blog, it just takes the weight of things. I HAVE SOMEWHERE TO STORE MEMORIES, too.

MEMORIES NEVER LONG FORGOTTEN.
BYE.

`shazlinnnandhervintagesweetnothings.

come break me down
bury me, bury me
i am finished with you
look in my eyes
you're killing me, killing me
all I wanted was you.

hey.
i miss US. we used to be so close, yet now, we're drifting apart. it's not like we can changed everything now that we've lost part of it. i'm being strong, holding on. but i can't continue things like this forever. i miss you. when are we going to stop our childishness or grow up? it ain't anytime soon, is it...?
don't get caught up in yourself.
let it out.

it's wednesday MORNING and i'm wide awake. when am i going to sleep? i assure you, it ain't anytime soon, too. pffffft.
VARSHA AND ARIEL ARE MY BOOBOOPI'S. AND EVERY CEDARIAN ROCKSTAR IS MY BAOBEI! hahas. aiya, i'm just wasting precious time, sitting here.

BYE.
shazlinnnisyourrockstar.
P.S; say it.

what if I wanted to break
laugh it all off in your face
what would you do?
what if I fell to the floor
couldn't take all this anymore
what would you do, do, do?

EDITED;

a god damned arms race.

hello.
i'm at home with ariel. we're camwhoring, the usual. ariel's french teacher postponed her test to another day so she could come to my house. i came across cassandra and jocelyn at toa payoh mcdonalds. i was there with ariel, syu, alex and jin rong. GAY. we were super gay. we should do this more, when we're not broke. being cashless ain't fun.

there's a world outside of my front door
that gets off on being down
long live the car crash hearts
cry on the couch all the poets come to life
i found the safest place to keep all our old mistakes
every dot com's refreshing for a journal update
racing through the city
windows down
in the back of yellow checkered cars.


ariel's a mad cow. i'm going to let her blog. x)
BYEBYE.

vintagesweetnothings;
`shazlinnnLOVESyou.
P.S; i have a vintage/retro umbrella.

don't pretend you ever forgot about me.
we don't fight fair.

false accusations, i tell you. i'm one hundred percent sure it wasn't me. IT WAS NOT ME. so stop blaming. i said before, if you decieve, others leave. you decieve me, you decieve others, too. believe me, for once.

we don't fight fair.

you decieve,
others leave.

no, i did not type those words.
i did not type those words, but i defended you. i defended you because i've known you for long enough. four years to be exact. four not so happy years.
we fought. we made up. we fought again. we made up again. and then, we forgot. and when we remembered, life wasn't the same.
and now, when i call you, we act so distant.

stomp out this disaster town
you'll put your eyes to the sun and say, "I know
you're only blinding to keep back what the clouds are hiding."
and we might've started singing just a little soon
we're throwing stones at a glass moon.
take two years and call me when you're better
take teardrops of mine, find yourself wetter.

i guess we're ex-best friends. we're the face of has-beens, aren't we? this isn't a joke, this is our dying day.
oh, well. call me, maybe we'll sort this out. you know who you are.

HEARTS.
P.S; library book, please?

anabelle
cassandra(:
chern ern
diana(:
hsiaolei
lovely
priyanka
sharon
tazkiah
veronique
vincent
xinyi
yanting
yan yi(:
ying ying

abigail
adeline
ariel(:
ashley
deborah(:
dini
elisha
irdayu
jasmine
jinrong
lena
lisa
mardhiyyah
michelle(:
muslihah(:
pei wennn(:
rohaniza(:
sharianty
syifa(:
tammie
varsha(:
wantinggg
wendelynn(:

arshad(:
atika(:
blessedbeau


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